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I'm a Work-In-Progress
A friend of mine recently commented, "I don't know how you do it all." Honestly, I don't either. Lately I feel like a hamster on a wheel and God forbid I fall off. I've talked before about time and the lack thereof. I can update you that I have more time these days as Logan is growing up but now my time is just spent differently.
I was at work one day in the physician's dining room (where I spend two days a week during the lunch hour providing computer support to the docs.) CNN was on and I was hearing the debate about Romney's wife who is a stay at home mom and the political analyst that insulted her by saying she couldn't understand economics because she didn't work. It's funny but I was thinking, here we go again. I swear you are damned if you do, damned if you don't. In a perfect world I would have kept my babies home for the first year and then returned to work and placed them in child care. Guess what? The world is not perfect. When I was on maternity leave with Logan it was really difficult to put him in daycare at 12 months old. I thought a lot about my decision and my husband and I had multiple discussions about this choice.The fact is, I like to work, about 90% of the time I really like my job and I really like where I work. I was unwilling to give up this opportunity which is what my job is, an opportunity.
Returning to work after child birth is one of the most difficult experiences you face as a mother. It is accompanied by guilt, doubt, sadness, regret, and strangly freedom. Over the last year I have been riding a fast moving train. My family routine works like a well oiled machine and God forbid anything messes that up. We all have those girl friends who are laid back, who don't get riled up or let things get to them. I wish I could be little more like her. The fact is, I am anal, high strung, type A, a planner, control freak, and I like to have control. That is who I am. Yes I would like to come home and play until dinner and then eat McDonald's and let my kids go to bed without a bath. I can say with faith that unless I was out of town, that will NEVER happen.
I like a clean home, I like organization, I like to get things done. I like to have dinner at a set time, get my kids bathed and in bed at 8:00. I like routine! My problem is that there is no in between for me. Trust me friends, I am working on this. For the first time in my life I used my employee assistance program and sought out professional counseling. Talking to someone who is impartial has been amazing. I've gotten amazing insight about myself and my friends and family. As my therapist has said, being perfect is exhausting and the crown I wear gets awfully heavy sometimes. If I ever give the perception that I'm perfect or my life is easy, please know, it's a lie. I am far for perfect and my life is hard. Giving 100% to my job and 100% to my children doesn't leave much left. I'm working hard to give more of myself to my husband and our relationship and the hardest struggle is giving more to myself. For now, I'm a work in progress. Stay tuned my friends.
I was at work one day in the physician's dining room (where I spend two days a week during the lunch hour providing computer support to the docs.) CNN was on and I was hearing the debate about Romney's wife who is a stay at home mom and the political analyst that insulted her by saying she couldn't understand economics because she didn't work. It's funny but I was thinking, here we go again. I swear you are damned if you do, damned if you don't. In a perfect world I would have kept my babies home for the first year and then returned to work and placed them in child care. Guess what? The world is not perfect. When I was on maternity leave with Logan it was really difficult to put him in daycare at 12 months old. I thought a lot about my decision and my husband and I had multiple discussions about this choice.The fact is, I like to work, about 90% of the time I really like my job and I really like where I work. I was unwilling to give up this opportunity which is what my job is, an opportunity.
Returning to work after child birth is one of the most difficult experiences you face as a mother. It is accompanied by guilt, doubt, sadness, regret, and strangly freedom. Over the last year I have been riding a fast moving train. My family routine works like a well oiled machine and God forbid anything messes that up. We all have those girl friends who are laid back, who don't get riled up or let things get to them. I wish I could be little more like her. The fact is, I am anal, high strung, type A, a planner, control freak, and I like to have control. That is who I am. Yes I would like to come home and play until dinner and then eat McDonald's and let my kids go to bed without a bath. I can say with faith that unless I was out of town, that will NEVER happen.
I like a clean home, I like organization, I like to get things done. I like to have dinner at a set time, get my kids bathed and in bed at 8:00. I like routine! My problem is that there is no in between for me. Trust me friends, I am working on this. For the first time in my life I used my employee assistance program and sought out professional counseling. Talking to someone who is impartial has been amazing. I've gotten amazing insight about myself and my friends and family. As my therapist has said, being perfect is exhausting and the crown I wear gets awfully heavy sometimes. If I ever give the perception that I'm perfect or my life is easy, please know, it's a lie. I am far for perfect and my life is hard. Giving 100% to my job and 100% to my children doesn't leave much left. I'm working hard to give more of myself to my husband and our relationship and the hardest struggle is giving more to myself. For now, I'm a work in progress. Stay tuned my friends.
