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My life with breastfeeding...
Go back about 4 almost 5 years ago. I was pregnant with Lily and the neurotic planner in me had me reading every book I could get my hands on about childbirth and parenting. I decided early on I would attempt breastfeeding. My reason at first was selfish, it helped to get rid of baby weight. Later on as I learned more about the benefits of breast milk, I gave myself no other choice. I watched videos, read books, visited online forums and took a class from a hippy breastfeeding Nazi. The lactation consultant, named Enya ingrained in me, "No False Nipples, Period." The day I delivered Lily I told every nurse who entered my room, No Pacifiers, No Bottles. Once I delivered Lily they gave her to me and the room cleared out. Alone with my new baby I offered her my breast and to my surprise, she took it. Lily ate for about an hour straight. I should have known it was too good to be true. A day later I figured out that she had latched on incorrectly. I was blistered and bleeding and frustrated. I will not lie, breastfeeding initially hurts but add on raw nipples and we are talking major pain. I cried each attempt thereafter to get her to nurse. I begged lactation consultants to help me and each one offered advice and suggestions. I cried in frustration as my mother and husband sat by helplessly trying to encourage me and cheer me on. The perfectionist in me was determined to do this and do it well. The two days in the hospital were horrible. At the advice of Enya I was attempting to feed Lily every two hours (even if that meant waking her up.) Now looking back I see the error of my ways but like a good little student, I did what the teacher taught.
As soon as I brought Lily home, magic happened. In her beautiful nursery, the lights were dim, classical music was playing, I sat in my rocker with my feet up, propped the boppy pillow and she nursed. I breathed a huge sigh of relief (AKA I relaxed) and I enjoyed it. Lily was a good baby and we quickly got the hang of nursing and developed a good routine. I will say that I never openly nursed in Target :-) but I did eventually get comfortable enough to nurse in a restaurant booth with my hooter hider. I never produced a prolific amount of milk when I pumped with Lily but I produced enough to meet my goal of six months exclusively feeding her breast milk. I'll never forget the first few times we attempted to feed her a bottle. She got pissed and had a major hunger strike but eventually she gave in and all was ok with the world.
Skip ahead a few years and I had my second child, Logan. I never thought twice about breast feeding Logan and as soon as he was born he nursed. From day one we called Logan "skinny pig." I figured out quickly that he would eat 24/7 if I let him. I caved in on day two and gave him a pacifier in order to get two consecutive hours of sleep. Following the "been there done that routine," I started pumping directly after each nursing session. I was bound and determined to store as much milk as possible. Month two (the eve of Mother's Day) I awoke in the middle of the night (my one of two night feedings.) I nursed Logan. As I attempted to burp him he projectile vomited all over me. I remember sitting there shocked as both baby and I were covered in puked up breast milk. Clothes soaked and hair dripping I said out loud, "happy mother's day to me." After changing both of our clothes and going back to sleep I awakened again for night feeding number two. Again, after burping, Logan puked all over me. At this point I was confused, frustrated, and exhausted. I called the pediatrician's office and spoke to the nurse on call who told me to take Logan to the ER immediately. If this was my first child, I would have hit the road, but in this case I felt mother knows best. I knew it had to do with breastfeeding. I spoke to two lactation consultants and then I decided I would figure this out on my own. I started giving Logan bottled breast milk and guess what, No Puking!!! When I pumped instead of nursed I learned that I was producing up to 10 ounces of milk in about 20 minutes. For those of you that don't know, that's a LOT... and way more consumption than a two month old needs. After researching online about mother's who exclusively express breast milk and no longer nurse, I made my decision.
The decision to no longer nurse Logan was difficult but was the best choice for me. I was driving myself crazy before forced to sit still for 20-30 minutes straight while he nursed. The control freak in me hated not having a good feeding schedule and not having a clue how much he drank each feeding. This began my life of exclusively pumping. Every time Logan took a bottle, I pumped. Not to complain but you have to understand the commitment here. I would feed Logan a bottle, put him in a bouncer or swing and then sit at my bathroom vanity and pump for 20-30 minutes. Since pumping is not hand's free I would get creative and I learned to multi-task. In the evenings I would tweeze my eyebrows, surf the net, read magazines, and in the mornings I would apply makeup while pumping. When I returned to work, I maintained my schedule. Twice during my work day I would pump. I am fortunate to work at a hospital and it had a designated employee lactation room. I had no excuse to not pump at work.
For me, providing breast milk to Logan helped ease some of my guilt of leaving him at daycare so early in life. Since I was tied to the breastpump I did not travel during this time. I didn't take many outtings out l or too far from the house and often times I would be exhausted at the end of the day but I had to pump before going to bed. Sometimes I felt like a chemist as I unfroze breastmilk and made bottles for the day. At Logan's seventh month I began to cut back on pumping. Trying to take two breaks during the work day was becoming increasing difficult and due to scheduling conflicts, twice a day turned into once a day. Eventually as December approached my work schedule became more hectic. Add the stress of preparing for the holidays I decided to stop pumping during the day. December I pumped morning at night but my supply was decreasing. Finally, the first week of January I stopped pumping all together. This time, giving up breastfeeding was not by choice. My body had decided it was time to stop. I'm proud of myself that I was able to provide exclusively breast milk for 9 months. Logan is now adjusting to formula mixed with breast milk. Yesterday I cleaned and packed away my Medela breast pump. The feeling was bittersweet. I feel excited to have time back. Time is something I have not had since Logan was born. I'm a little sad to know that I will no longer need the pump (I plan to sell it.) Aaron and I have made the mutual decision to not have more children.
In closing, a little preaching. Breastfeeding is hard and it takes major dedication. It's doubly hard if you work outside the home. Many times over the course of this journey I felt alone. I don't think most people could really understand what I was going through or the lack of support I had. I don't think that those around me, my family, friends could really relate to my determination or struggles. I will say again, breastfeeding/nursing is hard but if you are determined you can do it and you can be successful. I will say that it is much easier to quit and just give formula but I firmly believe that the benefits far out way the obstacles. There are many breastfeeding resources available but you have to search for them. I am no expert but I have been there and done it twice, if you need advice, let me know!
As soon as I brought Lily home, magic happened. In her beautiful nursery, the lights were dim, classical music was playing, I sat in my rocker with my feet up, propped the boppy pillow and she nursed. I breathed a huge sigh of relief (AKA I relaxed) and I enjoyed it. Lily was a good baby and we quickly got the hang of nursing and developed a good routine. I will say that I never openly nursed in Target :-) but I did eventually get comfortable enough to nurse in a restaurant booth with my hooter hider. I never produced a prolific amount of milk when I pumped with Lily but I produced enough to meet my goal of six months exclusively feeding her breast milk. I'll never forget the first few times we attempted to feed her a bottle. She got pissed and had a major hunger strike but eventually she gave in and all was ok with the world.
Skip ahead a few years and I had my second child, Logan. I never thought twice about breast feeding Logan and as soon as he was born he nursed. From day one we called Logan "skinny pig." I figured out quickly that he would eat 24/7 if I let him. I caved in on day two and gave him a pacifier in order to get two consecutive hours of sleep. Following the "been there done that routine," I started pumping directly after each nursing session. I was bound and determined to store as much milk as possible. Month two (the eve of Mother's Day) I awoke in the middle of the night (my one of two night feedings.) I nursed Logan. As I attempted to burp him he projectile vomited all over me. I remember sitting there shocked as both baby and I were covered in puked up breast milk. Clothes soaked and hair dripping I said out loud, "happy mother's day to me." After changing both of our clothes and going back to sleep I awakened again for night feeding number two. Again, after burping, Logan puked all over me. At this point I was confused, frustrated, and exhausted. I called the pediatrician's office and spoke to the nurse on call who told me to take Logan to the ER immediately. If this was my first child, I would have hit the road, but in this case I felt mother knows best. I knew it had to do with breastfeeding. I spoke to two lactation consultants and then I decided I would figure this out on my own. I started giving Logan bottled breast milk and guess what, No Puking!!! When I pumped instead of nursed I learned that I was producing up to 10 ounces of milk in about 20 minutes. For those of you that don't know, that's a LOT... and way more consumption than a two month old needs. After researching online about mother's who exclusively express breast milk and no longer nurse, I made my decision.
The decision to no longer nurse Logan was difficult but was the best choice for me. I was driving myself crazy before forced to sit still for 20-30 minutes straight while he nursed. The control freak in me hated not having a good feeding schedule and not having a clue how much he drank each feeding. This began my life of exclusively pumping. Every time Logan took a bottle, I pumped. Not to complain but you have to understand the commitment here. I would feed Logan a bottle, put him in a bouncer or swing and then sit at my bathroom vanity and pump for 20-30 minutes. Since pumping is not hand's free I would get creative and I learned to multi-task. In the evenings I would tweeze my eyebrows, surf the net, read magazines, and in the mornings I would apply makeup while pumping. When I returned to work, I maintained my schedule. Twice during my work day I would pump. I am fortunate to work at a hospital and it had a designated employee lactation room. I had no excuse to not pump at work.
For me, providing breast milk to Logan helped ease some of my guilt of leaving him at daycare so early in life. Since I was tied to the breastpump I did not travel during this time. I didn't take many outtings out l or too far from the house and often times I would be exhausted at the end of the day but I had to pump before going to bed. Sometimes I felt like a chemist as I unfroze breastmilk and made bottles for the day. At Logan's seventh month I began to cut back on pumping. Trying to take two breaks during the work day was becoming increasing difficult and due to scheduling conflicts, twice a day turned into once a day. Eventually as December approached my work schedule became more hectic. Add the stress of preparing for the holidays I decided to stop pumping during the day. December I pumped morning at night but my supply was decreasing. Finally, the first week of January I stopped pumping all together. This time, giving up breastfeeding was not by choice. My body had decided it was time to stop. I'm proud of myself that I was able to provide exclusively breast milk for 9 months. Logan is now adjusting to formula mixed with breast milk. Yesterday I cleaned and packed away my Medela breast pump. The feeling was bittersweet. I feel excited to have time back. Time is something I have not had since Logan was born. I'm a little sad to know that I will no longer need the pump (I plan to sell it.) Aaron and I have made the mutual decision to not have more children.
In closing, a little preaching. Breastfeeding is hard and it takes major dedication. It's doubly hard if you work outside the home. Many times over the course of this journey I felt alone. I don't think most people could really understand what I was going through or the lack of support I had. I don't think that those around me, my family, friends could really relate to my determination or struggles. I will say again, breastfeeding/nursing is hard but if you are determined you can do it and you can be successful. I will say that it is much easier to quit and just give formula but I firmly believe that the benefits far out way the obstacles. There are many breastfeeding resources available but you have to search for them. I am no expert but I have been there and done it twice, if you need advice, let me know!
